The Explanation

I have been living an experiment in Quantum Physics that ties together elements of visual, and performance art. One of my philosophies is that we are all Artists creating the masterpiece that is ourselves, and that is what I am sharing. Myself, to the world by means of whatever opportunities present themselves.

Remember the purpose of art is not to be beautiful, it’s to make you feel something.

Turns out we are all a living experiment in Quantum Physics, whether we are conscious of this or not, as individuals and collectively. I am you, you are me eternal energy sprung from a single source, put here to best enjoy this human experience, and when we leave this earth that is what we return to the eternal energy from which we came.

Matter is neither created nor destroyed, and the same rule applies here. It’s only logical.

When I was in grade school we learned about the solar system, how the planets orbit the sun, a few years later we were taught the composition of atoms. Protons, and electrons circling the nucleus. The building block of all matter shared the same structure as our solar system, and I saw that these were the same things built to different scales. 

I thought everyone could see this, so I kept my mouth shut.

My generation was indoctrinated to believe that Science, and Spirituality are at odds. To believe in God, or any Higher Power is an admission of one’s ignorance. I have always had faith in a Higher Power, though not Religious, or very Spiritual. My life has been unconventional, tragic, fortuitous, technically hilarious, and full of miracles that could be chalked up to coincidence. “Coincidences are God’s way of staying anonymous” according to Albert Einstein, and I’m inclined to agree. Considering the situations I have found myself in over these last 42 years, were it not for God’s Grace, I would not be here. In the rare event I have intimated these thoughts that are at the core of my being I have been met with mockery, disbelief, and even been called a liar, so I haven’t mentioned my beliefs often. Only recently did I realize this was no fault of those that judged me, it’s that they had no frame of reference for the strange things I was recounting. It all sounded too farfetched to be real.

I have always been sure that I am on thiis Earth to fulfill a greater purpose, to help others and the best way I can do this is to share myself. Not in bits and pieces but the whole.

In August of last year, I had a Spontaneous Spiritual Awakening which hit like a freight train one afternoon as I was sitting on my deck. I was reflecting on my life, and especially the events of the last 2 tumultuous, and stressful years. This period began with the tragic death of my Soul Dog Deuce, and had been marked by many losses financial, and personal. Despite these setbacks, and somewhat adrift in our crazy world, I still felt myself to be the most fortunate of humans. 

In the moments before the Light, I was trying to understand why a longtime friend had been dismissive, and cruel recently, when he had never in the 20+ years of our friendship done so before. I understood that it had far more to do with his inner demons, insecurities, and shame than anything I had done. I could see his pain, and forgave him entirely. All of the sudden I felt a wave of gratitude more deep then any I had ever known, the sun felt directed on me, enveloping me in a white light. My life flashed in front of me every thing I had ever done, everything that had been done to me. I saw the reasons why those that caused me pain had done so, and the wounds of my own that had caused me to hurt others. It was everything all at once, but also seemed to encompass all of time. A wave of energy that originated from the base of my spine, moving upward, and release out of the crown of my head followed.

I was unfamiliar with the mechanics of a Spiritual, or Kundalini Awakening, but I knew what comes next if your life flashes before your you. I made the reasonable conclusion that my demise was up next on the afternoon’s itinerary. I felt no fear, but a great sense of peace, but did not wish for a loved one to discover my body. I called 911, and said that I had an imminent feeling of death, and that I would wait on my front porch for an ambulance. By the time emergency services arrived, I had some time to collect my thought, and though I didn’t know what had happened, I knew I was not dying in the physical sense.

A checkup in the ambulance concluded there was nothing physically wrong with me, and am grateful to the kind EMT’s who helped me that day.

Since that day my mind has changed profoundly, things that once held meaning felt hollow, and reconciling myself with the life built by a different Lisa no longer made sense. One thing I knew for certain was that my career in finance could be no more. I could no longer be the conduit between my clients whose best interest I had taken and oath to serve, and the large corporations that have poisoned our government, our bodies, and our society.

I am a very fortunate woman having climbed out of financial ruin following my divorce 8 years ago. I have a career as a Financial Advisor at the best bank in the Carolina’s, a beautiful home, and a stable, secure life for myself. In this age of growing economic uncertainty, and declining standard of living for so many to abandon this track appears reckless, foolish, and downright insane.

But I knew this is what I had to do. In October I told my boss that I would be leaving in the Spring for St. Petersburg, FL. a place that I am unfamiliar with, but am inexplicably drawn to. This will be the 4th time in my adult life I show up in a new city with a U Haul, and a lease on a place I’ve never seen. Attempts to formulate a plan that made logical sense did not resonate, and I’ve been telling friends, coworkers, and family that I was going to find a job selling art at a gallery.

Since August I’ve been experiencing visions, and messages accompanied by noticing synchronicities that would fall under the umbrella of religious mania. I was told to surrender control of my fate, attachment to outcome, and to wake each day and do whatever he tells me. From meetings in real life, and through social media, I am far from the only person who is receiving these energies, and messages. Trying to reconcile these things with the structure of our current reality is so dissonant that it causes great confusion, and pain along with the gratitude, and joy. Both for those like myself, and their loved ones.

A crazy person is just someone who does not follow the rules of society, but what if society is broken?

So, at 42 I have given up my career, and security to embark into the unknown in order to share my story by means of whatever opportunities that align with my values present themselves.

One practical idea that came from all of this is Happy Big Girl LLC, that seems to follow the principles of Doughnut Economics. I just learned of Doughnut Economics, so I don’t know much of the details, but the concept of how Happy Big Girl will operate has been on my mind for months. Uncontrolled greed is what has gotten us to this point, and radical transparency will be a necessary part of the repair. All financial details of the company, as well as my personal spending will be public information, and my net worth will be capped, adjusted annually for inflation. All profits will be used to invest in other small businesses that are making the world a better place, as well as households of humans in need, employees (should I be blessed enough to have any) salaries will be based on a percentage of revenue in keeping with their job duties. 

What my company does exactly remains to be seen, but I’ll start with being me. 

The radical belief I hold close is that most people are mostly good, most of the time, but we have been programmed to focus on the negative, and the differences between us. People are multi-faceted, and we need to be encounter one another with greater curiosity, and openness to further the conversation towards sustainable change for humanity. We live in a society where most people operate from behind a mask rarely allowing vulnerability, or authenticity in their interactions. Not out of malice, or intent to deceive but from fear of disapproval, and/or protection of ego. We do not truly know one another, or ourselves. Since Covid I’ve been alarmed to see people become much quicker to judgement, and condemnation of those with viewpoints that differ from our own.

There is no wonder as to why we’re acting this way when we’ve been traumatized on a global scale, every last one of us. The result is us leaning more heavily on our belief systems, as a means to gain some control in a chaotic world. It’s time we get better at self-reflection, getting to the root of why we believe as we do, and really asking ourselves if these beliefs serve us, or are holding us back. Knowing thyself is key.

It’s time we come out of denial, so that we can move forward. Around me I see all problems, and no solutions. No solutions because people are too stuck in fear, shame, judgement, and limiting beliefs to work together for their own best interest, and the best interest of others.

May, 7th 2024